I’ve never felt so reassured yet so lost at the same time—

Somehow I’ve come to separate myself

from my life,

and my life,

from my experiences,

to cushion the pain.

And by seeing them as separate entities I can compartmentalize who I am,

what I do,

and how I experience it.

Have you ever felt so pulled by love in one direction,

demise in another,

and confusion someplace else

that you can’t seem to find an equilibrium?

How can you balance something purposefully designed unevenly;

with jags and curves that simply can’t be smoothed.

I refuse to love myself and hate my life simultaneously...

My attention is diverted because I can’t successfully fix the internal and the external at the same time.

There is only so much I can process and too many stimuli are exhausting.

Though I’m lost in a wide open field, I can’t help but to find myself.

Azana Green