The Importance of Self-Love in a Time of Loving Others

The month of February can bring a lot of changes and emotions. Winter is slowly coming to a close with occasionally warm afternoons and leaves beginning to grow back on the branches. The spring semester is finally in full swing with midterms and paper deadlines approaching, and the need for spring break is within arms reach.

It’s a time to celebrate and honor Black History Month by remembering all the key roles black individuals have played in American history, and their continued successes, achievements, and fight for equality against oppression.  

However, it’s also a time to celebrate love. 

Valentine’s day, and the entire month of February, centralizes the concept of love. While we should always practice kindness, equity, and the principles that are inspired by this holiday, Cupid’s bow adds extra emphasis on our relationships during this time of year. 

Whether it be because of the huge candy aisles in the grocery store, the large stuffed animals, or the advertisements on television; this holiday highlights caring for one another.

But that sometimes means not caring enough for ourselves. 

In a time where we project our care and affection to those who mean the most to us, sometimes it’s difficult to put ourselves first. Going to sleep late, inflicting blame on myself for things I can’t control, or simply not putting myself first are a few things that I struggle with during this time of year. They seem like small and minimal habits, but they can add up quickly. 

Focusing on making sure that my friends and family are okay and helping them in their struggles is what I have always found rewarding. To put it simply, making other people happy makes me happy, even if it means making sacrifices from my own wellbeing. 

I often tend to put others before my own needs, and it has been something I have been working on for as long as I became aware of it. After discussing it, reading wellness blogs, and following other people’s stories, I realized just how prevalent this issue is not only during the days and weeks leading up to Valentine’s day, but year-round. 

As someone who has often struggled with self love, it came as second nature to give the love I couldn’t provide for myself to others. Yet, realizing that my lack of care for my own health took a toll on me as well. It made me feel that everything I was doing in my life was wrong. 

Caring for others is important- it’s one of the most noble traits an individual can have. That being said, caring for oneself is also a key trait to have. Having peace of mind, reassurance and goals have allowed me to focus more on myself and the things I want to achieve, but old habits don’t go away in an instant. . 

I always felt that even if I was in a dark place, that didn’t mean others had to be. I put their health before mine, when truly both are equally important. There are ways to put yourself to a standard that you put your loved ones at, which is something I am starting to realize. One person does not have to give so another can thrive. 

Self love and being truly being happy with who you are takes time, as most struggles do. Through babysteps and encouragement, some days are easier than others. Not only has it taken focusing on myself more, it has also allowed me to take myself out of situations that may not be the healthiest. 

This is not to say to abandon your relationships completely, because that is not healthy either. However, there are times where it is important not only to love others, but yourself as well. That time is always.  

What may work for me may not work for others. Or what may work for me now may not work for me in a few months. When we grow as individuals, so do our habits and mindsets, meaning we must follow our instinct and try to do our best for the most important person in our life: ourselves.

The constant wondering of ever being good enough or successful still clouds my mind sometimes, as it does on our darkest days. However, Valentine’s Day should not be a time to sulk on the relationships we may not have yet or reminisce on those that are no longer with us. Instad, it’s a time to remember and prioritize the most important relationship of all, the one with ourselves.