I Can't Write A Queer Poem

I Can't Write A Queer Poem

I can't write a queer poem

I can't write a queer poem because I'm not even queer enough

that's crazy, right

That I, a lesbian, don't feel gay "enough"

I can't write a queer poem because no one will listen

that's crazy, right

That I, as I speak this poem, will have no listeners

I can't write a queer poem because I don't want to make you uncomfortable

that's crazy, right

That I, a carefree black girl, care enough to make sure that you're not uncomfortable

sometimes I wished that I could just look gay

so that, as we go around the circle at girls night telling stories, I didn’t have to explain that my "ex-boyfriend" was really my "ex-girlfriend"

and every time we were in public I prepared myself to have to punch someone in the face

Every time we were in public there was always a stare or a comment or a question

"yall really together? like forreal forreal, or do she just not want to give me her number?"

"so like you never dated a nigga before? ever?"

"but like you never been with me. I'll change your life"

yes we're together

no I've never dated a nigga before

and change my life, really? that's your pick up line?

I'm surprised you don't get tired lugging your ego around all day

I just don't get why you have to always get your way

I can't write a queer poem because even after my words end, the heteronormativity within the black spaces on this campus will continue

and we thank you for not being blatantly homophobic but reacting melodramatically to anything slightly gay, insisting that being gay is far fetched and an insult is still close

I can't write a queer poem because there's people out there in the black community specifically that can hear me who you've never met

Or you have met them but you haven't really met them because they can't introduce themselves like, “hey, I'm bisexual but I have to uphold the black communities ideas of hypermasculinity”

I can't write a queer poem because then every girl I talk to is going to think I have a thing for them when I'm encouraging them to twerk

when really sis you was just fucking it up and I had to compliment you cause black girl magic should ring like the freedom bell

I can’t write a queer poem because everytime I say the word lesbian I still trip over every syllable

because I don't know what person lies beyond the other side of that word

will they want to hang me and call it queer fruit

if you didn’t know, the formal meaning of the word queer is strange

and ill

and spoiled

and ruined

if you didn’t know, queer was originally a derogatory term

if you didn’t know, queer has been transcoded to mean beautiful

and important

and significant

I can't write a queer poem because people think I'm strange

I'm out of place

I'm broken

I'm tarnished

and I look in the mirror sometimes and say the same things to the face that stares back at me

Changing Seasons

Changing Seasons

Tengo Hambre

Tengo Hambre