Dear ex lover,
i promised myself that i wouldn't end up in the same position again
That i wouldn't be the same person that i was 10 months ago
being with you brought back those feelings of inadequacy
picking at a scab that i thought had healed.
i am writing this letter to let you know that
i’ve been waking up at 2am with crippling anxiety
the type that makes you cry uncontrollably
wondering why i am undeserving of your love
Lying in bed for hours trying to remember a time when
i felt like enough of a human not just a body.
i am enough
But i haven’t
felt that in awhile.
i have always been willing to give you 110 percent, i know i will
only get 20 in return. After 10 month of working on me i still don’t
know how to be alone with my thoughts.
Never learned how to stop being vulnerable
my heart has been broken and bleeding and i
don’t know to stop it from making a mess of everything.
that i found
God in the
darkness, but somehow
i got swallowed whole by it again. When i hear that
one song that makes the levee crack
i cry until i go numb, eyes swollen shut
growing tired of this depressive state.
i know i never cross your mind
I am writing you this…just so i can feel again.