Self Love - A Process

Self love is a continuous process

One of the hardest lessons I am still learning

“How to love your own body”,

which took so long

Is still taking time

Sometimes I think I am at a good place

Sometimes I'm not


You see the problem with my body is that I am too short

My shoulders are imperfect; The right is always higher than the left

My spine twists and it hurts sometimes

I have a deep scar on my back

My eyes are too big for my face

My head is small

One boob is bigger than the other

My boobs are too big

(I just I got my middle school wish but I change my mind on that one)

My hips are nonexistent

And I wish my butt was bigger

My smile is too wide

And my hair

My puffy, tangling 4C hair

Watching naptural85 whose hair flowed down to her back doesn't really help me much

But I still watch

Sometimes with envy

Then I look back at mine and sigh

My hair doesn't quite work like that

A wash and go means knots

Means shrinkage

Means hair looks one way when I got out the shower and 30 minutes later it's a mess A trapezoid

Somehow trapezoid shaped hair is possible

My hair doesn’t know whether to fall at my shoulders or stay up so it does both at once

A quick nap after class can ruin any twist out

Means starting over from scratch

Though I already spent 4 hours on your hair

Or I say screw it and walk around with the left side flat


You see the wonderful thing about my body is how complicated it is How it contradicts itself

How against all odds, it heals itself

My spine is twisted so it hurts most times

I learned how to deal with pain

My eyes are bright and beautiful

My smile is so wide, so I laugh more than I cry

It gives people comfort

It gives me comfort

I finally see my body as a temple, as holy ground

I look in the mirror just to smile at myself now

My hair is strong

I think I dyed it 4 times in the last year

And somehow I still have hair

It still grows

I started calling it a crown

Something to admire

Know I am someone to admire too

I don't let anyone shame my body anymore

I stop myself from shaming my body

I tell myself I am a goddess

I am wonderfully made

I sing myself some J. Cole and SZA

Dance around and teach myself more about my own strengths My beauty

I am still learning


It took me too long to get here

But I am here

Ashley Croker-Benn